For some reason I’ve been living under a rock and never saw this movie until last week.
My kids were in bed so I went down into my basement to watch a movie. As I walk down the 13 steps, I’m welcomed by my bright orange sofa’s I found in the trash (don’t worry, I cleaned the cat urine out of them.) I fired up my projector and tossed in Wed Anderson’s The Life Aquatic as part of my self prescribed research for directing and cinematography. Going into it I knew it was going to be different and possibly weird but thats ok. I’m kinda weird and if you’re reading this, I’m gonna bet you are too.
About 3/4 of the way in, this scene stopped me in my tracks. I actually paused the movie and just sat there thinking.
If you haven’t seen the movie it’s about Steve Zissou (Bill Murray), this world famous oceanographer who travels the worlds’ oceans with a rag tag crew of “scientists”/ documentary filmmakers. They keep putting out movies but as of late, they’ve been doing worse and worse. On his most recent production, he has run out of financing, they were attacked by pirates and he is at his bottom in this scene. He steps out onto the porch of his estranged wife’s home and says these three lines to himself out loud.
“What happened to me?”
“Did I lose my talent?“
“Am I ever going to be good again?“
Wow…
I posted these three images to my story and got way more messages from other creatives than I thought I was going to get. So now we’re talking about it here.
The truth is anyone who’s created anything that drew some praise or attention (a key athletic performance, an ad campaign, a great documentary) knows this feeling all too well.
Olympian Alexi Pappas talks about this state of depression one can sink into following a big event in her recent book Bravey.
Drake talked about how an artist can spend the rest of their career chasing that feeling on his interview with Rap Radar.
My freshman year psych professor once shared an insight I’ll never forget.
“Everything in life mimics the orgasm. “
There is a build up, the climax, and then the release.
What happens when it’s been a few weeks, months or even years since you creatively, athletically, financially, “orgasmed?"
An athlete who ran to their fullest potential but a few injuries and seasons later, are still chasing that feeling, trying to replicate that level or success. Or the freelancer who was just on fire that one year with job after job and now, is wondering:
“What happened to me?”
“Did I lose my talent?“
“Am I ever going to be good again?“
-DB
p.s.- Shout out to Mario Fraioli for that text this week.